Let’s face it, the Christmas season just isn’t what it used to be. Like many of you who have children, I have wonderful memories of my little girl opening her gifts on Christmas morning. Her happiness made the holiday worthwhile: taking her to see Santa, decorating the house and the tree, the smiles on her face as she opened each new gift. Kelly and I didn’t care about ourselves, because her joy made the whole holiday worthwhile.
Now it’s time for a reality check. For many of us the kids are now older and the shine of the Christmas season has been dulled by our own aging and increasing cynicism. The holiday is no longer the celebration of what it is supposed to represent; it’s become a major hassle during which we somehow have to outdo what we did the year before, when we spend money we don’t have, and when we constantly worry whether or not we’re pleasing the ones for whom we shop. I recall a time when the mention of Christmas in the marketplace didn’t begin until Santa marched down Broadway in the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. Today, the reminders go up about about a week before Halloween, and the bombardment doesn’t end until after the new year has been rung in and the after-Christmas sales are in full force. The pressure placed on us to shop and spend is unrelenting. Drive near any large discount store or shopping mall (if you can) on the morning after Thanksgiving or any weekend prior to Christmas to see what we’ve become. We’ll run someone down for a parking space and we’ll spend hours in traffic just to buy something that either won’t fit, the recipient already has or will be forgotten in a matter of days. Why do we do this to ourselves and others?
I have developed a new method of Christmas gift-giving that I believe will save everyone a lot of time and effort and will relieve much of the pressure placed upon us and our loved ones as the holiday seasons approach.
The impetus for my idea was a gift I received from my parents. In spite of my insistence that they don’t spend money on me, one of my mom’s favorite things to give me is gift cards from one of the book retailers like Borders. I appreciate them because they allow me to get something I can use and they’re easy for her to purchase and send down from up north. On the other hand, for the more cynical among us, gift cards can be a great “copout” gift when you feel the necessity to buy something for a certain person, but you have no clue as to what they want, need, or like. This is traditionally someone you really don’t care for all that much anyway, so that ten dollar gift card from Home Depot (conveniently located right near the registers) is a fast way to settle that problem.
The second part of this idea occurred to me when I thought about the frequent neutrality of the gift exchange. This occurs, for example, when you go to Barnes and Noble to buy the latest novel or best seller as a gift for a friend or loved one. On Christmas day, they then turn around and hand you a $20 gift card from…Barnes and Noble. This is gift neutralization, where two generous people somehow manage to cancel out each other’s thoughtfulness by purchasing nearly the same thing for one another.
A corollary to gift neutrality is gift self-reflection, which commonly occurs when one purchases something they might like, thinking someone else would also like it. I almost did this myself; I considered purchasing my wife a portable MP3 player for use when she worked out at the gym (a perfectly logical idea). My daughter, smart little whip that she is, told me that it would be one of the last things her mother would want (citing my wife’s frequent difficulties with technology), and persisted in telling me not to buy her one. I came to my senses and bought her diamond earrings instead. Ironically, the two of them bought me an MP3 player. Had I not listened to my brilliant child, I would have been guilty of the aforementioned gift neutralization. Boy, that was a close one.
I put these two concepts together and came up with the idea of self-gifting. This is an easy thing to implement, and I guarantee that it will make your Christmas (and other gift-giving holiday) shopping easy. Follow these steps to an enjoyable and stress-free Christmas for years to come:
- Sometime after Halloween, begin a list of the things you would like for Christmas and a person from whom you would like to receive the item as a gift. Your choices should be based on the average incomes of your family and friends and everyone’s annual gift expenditures. Try not to be greedy; this is Christmas after all.
- If you want to buy things for those close loved ones, you may narrow down your list to those friends and family that are logistically distant or those you will plan to avoid at the holidays altogether. Contact them to let them know they should be making a list similar to yours.
- About a week before Thanksgiving, contact them one-by-one and give them your idea for a gift for yourself on your list. Ask them to advise you of a gift they want on their list, something comparable in cost to what you want. Negotiate on the gift until you are both satisfied with the selections.
- Prior to the Christmas madhouse of Black Friday or the weekends leading up to Christmas Day, mosey on out to the store and buy yourself the agreed-upon gift you want from your list. Shopping online is also convenient and allows you additional time to make your purchase before the arrival of the big day. Your partner in the gift negotiation should do the same thing for themselves.
- Right before Christmas, prepare a nice thank-you card to send the other person (or prepare an email if the “giver” is so inclined), thanking them profusely for the wonderful Christmas thought. Make sure you let them know that the gift was perfect and something you really wanted. This expression of appreciation will satisfy your feelings as well as theirs.
- Now, kick back and watch football with a nice cold drink. Your shopping is done!
Note: wrapping the gift is optional. And don’t forget to send that thank-you card or message right after Christmas!
I believe that if we begin spreading this idea now, it will take hold by the start of the 2005 gift-giving season. You might want to practice with your friends this year using birthdays as a test event.
This Christmas gift-giving idea is copyright © December 27, 2004 by yours truly. I don’t want anyone stealing this one. Now, if I could just figure out a way to charge money for this…
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