Attaboy

What to the names Margaret De Barraicua, Kathy Denise White, and Pamela Turner all have in common?

They are all new graduates from the Mary Kay Letourneau Sex-With-Underage-Students training center. Yes, all of these women have recently been arrested and charged with having sexual liaisons with male students in various secondary schools around the nation. Ms. De Barraicua even went as far as to have sex in a car in the school parking lot with her “victim,” while her two-year-old child was strapped in the car seat, waiting for mommy to “finish.”

Say what you want about these women and what issues drive them to want to experience sexual contact with boys as young as twelve. I’m certain the nation’s shrinks could put together an entire Barnes and Noble filled with best-selling studies and exposés on just what’s wrong in the culture that drives these women to do these things. Whatever.

This sudden trend in women teacher-male student sex was hammered home in the most horrible way this morning by a story I discovered on Fark. But first, let’s take a little test with the male readers out there (ladies, you can play, too, but this is about the boys, so don’t get your briefs in a twist, okay?)

Guys, I want you to imagine, or fantasize if you wish, that one of your female teachers suddenly attempts to seduce you. You’re a young man of…say…thirteen, you’ve got desires you can’t fulfill anywhere else, yet. You see this as an opportunity to experience the wonders of manhood…imagine, little old you getting it on with an older, experienced woman.

If you’re the typical sexist teenage male, unaffected by the throes of feminism (don’t worry, you’ll get that in college), the attractiveness of your seducer will certainly be a major factor in your decision to proceed with the illicit activity. Okay, now I want you to take a look at some images. Imagine yourself face-to-face with one of these women in the heat of passion.

Could you imagine having a romantic liaison with this woman, for example? How about the woman pictured here, who’s the one who likes to keep her kids around for the show. There’s also this woman, who’s a bit older but likely still appealing to some. Finally, there’s the Original Queen of Study Hall Salaciousness, Mary Kay Letourneau, who’s was attractive enough to her young lover to bear some children with him (and with whom she will soon exchange marriage vows).

Now, you’ve seen the array of recent women accused of these offenses. Any red-blooded male would have to agree that each of them at least meets the minimum standards for attractiveness, right?

So, can someone please explain to me how the woman pictured here managed to get five middle school students to agree to various sexual activity? I really don’t want to make any jokes about this happening in West Virginia, but I’m finding it difficult to hold back.

I’ll leave that up to the reader.