Attaboy

Italians were recently surveyed regarding their opinions on nude sunbathing. In Italy, as in other European nations, topless sunbathing by women is widely practiced. This poll asked about their opinions on “bottomless” public exposure for both genders.

The results would be what you might expect, almost to the point of wondering why the survey was even conducted. For example, I find it difficult to accept that the following quote couldn’t be posted in the Museum of The Painfully Obvious:

Women were more frequently bothered by nude sunbathing than men. Just over 40 percent of women said they did not like seeing other naked females on the beach, while just 5 percent of men shared their opinion about nude women.

A couple of thoughts here: who are these men in the 5% that don’t like seeing naked women? Even gay men wouldn’t usually have an issue with that…it’s not about eroticism or sex, it’s about just being naked in the sun, right? And this 40% segment of women…just how many of them don’t like seeing other naked women but would appear in the buff themselves? Could we be witnessing a little “bottom” envy here…you know, I don’t want to look at your naked ass, but mine is certainly okay?

I found one other interesting thing about the way that quote was written. Read the quote above again…40% of women don’t like seeing other naked women. The implication is that the number is surprisingly large. But, read how the writer expressed the following fact:

The survey found nearly two-thirds of men said they weren’t bothered by nude male sunbathers.

Now, if you read the two passages together, don’t you get the impression that the writer is implying (in the second quote) that men have less of an issue with other naked men, compared to those bitchy, catty 40% of women do with other naked women? Think about this…based on that second quote, about 33% of men are bothered by other nude men sunbathers. Sounds to me like the men and women might actually closely agree on this concept. Since the story isn’t bylined, we can’t tell if this was written by a sexist pig male or a woman who’s math skills aren’t that sharp.

Personally, I like things the way they are here in America. I would certainly not have an issue with the sight of naked women sunbathers if that were the custom here…some naked women sunbathers. Naturally, like most men, I would certainly find it a distraction; we can claim to be as open-minded and non-sexist about it, but men will always stare at beautiful naked women. This is something men do. And don’t give me any of the feminist crap, ladies, I know damn well you’d be gaping, jaws dropped open in awe, if you got a glimpse of some Adonis stretched out on the chaise or applying some sunscreen to ripped pectorals. And not to be discriminatory, I also know some of you women would join us men, and some of you men would joint the ladies, if you know what I mean.

Here’s the problem: most of us have the good sense to keep what we have under wraps. I would not want to put the beach-going public through the horror of watching me strip down to the skin. I’m sure my wonderful wife of a quarter-century plus still finds me attractive, but I’m a realist. I’ll keep what I have between us. The problem is there are far too many people out there who fall under what the news article calls brutto. You know, those who just should never undress in public for any reason. I’m not talking about slightly paunchy men or women with some cellulite issues. I’m talking hideous bodies, bodies that don’t need to get tanned because exposing them in public would require the imposition of nusiance laws. You know, like the regulations used against the broken-down house on your street with the cars parked on cinder blocks on the front lawn.

Besides, I think I’d rather look at an attractive women in a bathing suit, even a bikini, any day, and leave what I don’t see to the imagination. Keeps the brain active and healthy, you know?

Now I suppose my referral logs are going to have even more hits from search engines seeking words like “naked” and “nude.” Go away, perverts.