Attaboy

Made the annual visit to the movies this weekend. Actually, I volunteered, something I rarely do, but it was with the girls, so I didn’t mind so much.

We saw Firewall, a thriller with Harrison Ford and Virginia Masden. I figured, how bad could this be? This is a movie about a big-time network security guy, so it had some geek interest for me. They did a nice job with the technology stuff, even using what appeared to be an actual Cisco router terminal screen in one close-up. Lots of Windows XP screens and Dell servers in racks, but the effort to make it look high tech was pretty convincing.

The problem with the movie was poor Harrison Ford. The guy is a great actor, one of my favorites. He’s over sixty now, still looks great, and is still convincing in those Everyman-type roles for which he’s famous. One problem: in this movie, as in far too many of his others, he gets his ass kicked.

I began thinking of the moves of his I’ve seen over the years. Here’s a brief and incomplete roundup of Mr. Ford’s various beatings:

• Air Force One – Repeated beatings and the target of various bad guys’s guns. Big hanging-on-the-edge rescue scene in airplane. “Get off my plane!”
• Clear and Present Danger – Jack Ryan chases coke cartel in Columbia. Really pisses off the President in the end. Only survivor of street ambush, smacked around a bit by Willem Dafoe, shot at again in big finale before barely escaping in hanging-on-the-edge rescue scene with helicopter. “Would you take a company check?”
• The Fugitive – Accused of murdering wife, escapes train wreck to try to prove his innocence. In addition to train wreck, he survives jumping off a dam and a big fistfight/shootout with a bad guy, the real killer and some cops at the end. “Do you remember what I told you in the tunnel?”
• Patriot Games – Jack Ryan interrupts IRA kidnap attempt of Royal. Gets shot, survives, kills IRA bad guy, severely pissing off his brother. Survives multiple assassination attempts until boat chase scene with angry brother in finale. “I didn’t tell him I was looking for a girl, Marty.”
• Regarding Henry – Gets shot. Loses his memory and his speech. “Okay, then give me lots of eggs.”
• Witness – Detective John Book is chased and shot by corrupt cops while hiding Amish boy who witnessed a murder. “I’m learning a lot about manure. Very interesting.”
• Blade Runner – Shot at, beat up, you name it. Then he has to deal with a girfriend who’s a robot. “I have had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being so charming.”
• Raiders of the Lost Ark – Bar fights, fires, shots, fistfights with Nazis, dragged by trucks, trapped in pits with snakes, comes face-to-face with God, etc. “Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes?”
• American Graffiti – Rolls his hot car in big race. Cindy Williams gets pissed. “I ain’t nobody, dork. Right?”

Naturally, this is but a small sample, since I’ve never seen everything he’s done. I suppose one could add about seven or eight more to this list (the Star Wars and other Indiana Jones pictures, for example), which explains why he probably enjoys occasionally doing stuff like Sabrina and Working Girl.

What a man.