Attaboy

French Gangster Escapes Prison, French Authorities Surrender

Paris, March 12, 2003 — A leading French gangster escaped from his Paris prison cell today in a daring daylight breakout.

The escape took place on the street outside the Fresnes Prison, where accomplices shot at guards and blew holes in the facility walls. The plot led to the escape of Antonio Ferrara, who has been charged with robbery and murder. Ferrara’s gang set parked cars on fire to distract attention. Explosive devices and a detonator were found in Ferrara’s cell after the event, along with a cellular phone. This is the second prison escape of its type in France in the last week.

French President Jeaque Chiraq hastily called a press conference after the escape and announced that the French gvernment would immediately surrender to the mobsters.

“We can no longer take the risk of bloodshed in the streets of Paris,” Chiraq said. “So, rather than continue to fight these attempts, I have ordered the director of prisons to immediately release any detainee who wishes to leave their cells.”

When asked if there was evidence of other future plans for breakout attempts, national prison director Didier Lallement said he wasn’t aware of any in the works. “However,” he continued, “we don’t require that any proof of escape plans be provided to prison authorities to permit a release. All a prisoner has to do is tell us he’s thinking of escaping, and that’s good enough for us.”

Reports indicate that the leadership of the prison guard’s union is demanding that Chiraq fire prison director Lallement.

“No, it’s not that we’re unhappy with the director’s performance,” one union leader said. “In fact, we fully support the new release policy, since it make our jobs a lot easier. We just think it’s kind of stupid to hae a guy named Didier running the prison system. His name might was well be Pussy or Girlyman.”

French police continue to investigate today’s escape attempt, in spite of the president’s new policy. Investigators emphatically denied allegations that French prison guard weapons dealers actually assisted the mobsters with supplies and consulting for the two recent escapes.

At the United Nations, Secretary General Koffi Annan said the escapes would likely change French involvement in the post-Iraq war plans.

“Well, after Saddam is arrested, we know where we aren’t going to keep him in custody,” said Annan.